The Honest Truth
If you are waiting for someone to come and save you, don’t. No one is coming! You are the only one who has that potential. You need to step up and do it yourself. You can ask someone else but they will only disappoint you—because they do not have your life, you do. You are the master of your own fate. Own it. You can make excuses and place blame, you can expect your circumstances to change so you can change, but that isn’t how life works. You need to change your mind and your heart so your circumstances can shift. The feeling that you are stuck is not a product of your circumstances but rather a product of your mindset, and of your lack of will or excessive fear. This is one of the most common problems people face—the fear that" I cannot change my current circumstances and that if I try to do so I will either fail, or lose the little security I have in my current situation." This is real fear and it is common.
“We fear the unknown possibility more than we fear our known discontent. We become bedfellows with our own poor choices and challenges, it is the devil we know and would rather hold close than open the door to the possibility beyond our less than glorious lives. We don’t believe we will be met with better than what we have now, so we perpetuate the discontent. The worst part is that we become mesmerized by the belief that someone needs to save me, or God needs to come and save me, or whoever needs to throw me a life preserver and pull me out! This is a major flaw in our thinking. We need to change the belief into something self-fulfilling and powerful – we need to find the courage to fight for our own cause, to be in our own corner. I find it interesting that once you do that the help, the options, the willingness of others to aide you comes into play. It takes personal courage and willingness to activate the willingness and support of others, and of the universe out there.”
Change Your Circumstances
To change your circumstances you have to be able to step up and face whatever it is you are being beaten down by, and don’t stop till it is no longer threatening you. It could be addiction, it could be a toxic job, it could be a series of bad relationships, and it could be money troubles. It could be a range of issues that cause you to feel totally trapped by your life! The fear that comes with being trapped like this is serious, and it can stop you trying to change anything at all. It can cripple you from stopping drinking, leaving that awful job, choosing to leave a partner, or finding the courage to face your poor tax compliance. It can make you fear change more than the actual situation you are currently in. It creates a belief in your mind, and a sinking feeling in your heart, that you are unable to change your circumstances, that you are without power. This is the biggest lie we can believe. This fear makes you think that there is nothing better for you out there in the world, no better lifestyle choices, no good jobs, no loving relationships, no financial answers. You need to step up and face the worst fears you have and without giving up, because if you don’t, your life will definitely not get better.
“You will only confirm your own limitations and frustrations, and that you believe you deserve to be where you are.”
A Rewarding Journey
I see people start the journey of challenging their limiting beliefs about their circumstances all the time. I see people begin to step up and say, “I don’t need to accept this any longer, and I can change this into something new, something better". I see it radically shifting people’s circumstances and I see the ingrained fear of the unknown start to fade and become replaced with hope and possibility for the future. I see it being done by people who are in the most serious situations imaginable, who are facing massive and ugly situations and very uncomfortable self-truths, and I see these people get their lives onto a completely new track. If people like this can do it then so can you. The key is recognising that ‘no one else is coming to do it’ and it is only you who can make the decision to change life into something better.
People are remarkable when they realise that it is up to them to change things, and that they can change things. People who do this come from so many different places and spaces, and it's not because they are lucky, or privileged, or wealthy, or educated, or smart, or poor, or downtrodden. It is because these people have all come to spot the unavoidable truth that without their own willingness and courageous effort to change their circumstances they are forever stuck in the circumstances of their own unwillingness. Yes, it matters who you are influenced by, who you listen to, what you read, how you are guided; by parents, friends, teachers, icons, but it can only become real when you start acting from the realisation that clearly says:
“If I don’t do what I need to do to change my situation I cannot change. I cannot access the unlimited help and support the world has to offer me unless I choose to start helping myself first, and at whatever cost. To do this I need to find the belief in me that I am worth saving, that I am able to challenge my fears and problems, and find respite from them, and that I am able to ‘save myself’ one step at a time until I am changed, and my life circumstances are too.”
You alone have to do this, but you cannot do it alone. You need to make the first hard choices, and take the first steps, and keep on going; and as you go you will attract towards you a cohort of people who will guide you, support you, and love you towards a better life and a better situation.
ACT: How You can implement the ideas in this Article
Practically speaking there are some simple things you can do to start this journey. What better time to do this than while we deal with a global pandemic that is going to change how lifes happens for a while. Embrace this time and make it count for yourself. We suggest you do the following:
1. Why Me? Why Not Me!
What stories are you telling yourself that could be about ‘why me’ and ‘poor me’?
These are internal dialogues that create a victim mentality and then create behavior or a non response to what is required from you.
Try shifting these narratives into ‘why not me?’ and ‘what can I do about it’?
Make these changes small and consistent, starting first with ‘how do I reframe the victim narrartive into something self empowering’? Then choose some simple actions you can take consistently to begin to show evidence that you dont think ‘poor me’.
An example right now is me writing this article. I have lost all my work in the last few days due to Covid 19, and it has made me say ‘why me’ and ‘poor me’ a few times, however, quite quickly I have stopped thinking this way, and started being proactive about doing things that show I am doing whatever I need to do to ‘step up’; a sentiment that doesn’t support the ‘poor me narrative’. I am doing the work to find the opportunity in all this, without allowing my ‘victim’ to cause me to despair and give up!
2. The Power Of Lists
Make a list of all the practical actions you can take to reclaim some positive impact.
You can do loads of things to model this thinking. Instead of languishing in self pity and powerlessness, choose to connect with people to find out how they are, instead of hoping someone will ask you. Make a list of all the things that you can control and impact on and start doing these things well. Clean the house like a pro, teach your kids while they are not at school, challenge yourself to learn a new skill. Ask for help and support where you need it, this is also ‘stepping up’.
3. Discomfort leads to Satisfaction
When you feel you are without personal power to change, it is easy to let the feeling stop you from changing. The way it feels makes you halt before you start. Now is the time to start experiencing the benefits of discomfort. So often, the outcome on the other side of discomfort is satisfaction, not more discomfort.
Set yourself small goals that focus on doing a few things every day you really dont want to do. See what happens when you do this repeatedly for the next few weeks. You will surprise yourself with positive evidence that you CAN rather than can’t.
It is up to you to lead your way there! Practice and keeping going is the key. Yes people are available to help, and guide, and cheer you on, but they don't show up until the student is ready to learn and grow. Until you are taking the steps.
“The master appears when the student is ready."